Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
