He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
apparently the secret to your success is patron
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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