Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
