You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
