Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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