You work out of a Hotel?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
