for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
