i think my mom watched the whole time
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Damn victory sex feels great
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
