so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
