I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
