Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
