Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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