I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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