The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Couch. On fire.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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