living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
