My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
