the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
