At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
