You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
