maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
