i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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