I think I am morally bankrupt
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
