When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
