Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
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its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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