My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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