I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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