dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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