Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
