Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
