I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
