i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
