Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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