Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
