After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
