would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
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She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize