Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
