I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
