im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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