it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
don't judge my taste in strippers
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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