do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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