CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
