im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
this boner is exhausting
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
