Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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