hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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