it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
