saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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