If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize