Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
