Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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