i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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