batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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