Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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