my mouth tastes like poor choices
she looked like the before picture.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
