if you like me you must not know who I am
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
