omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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