This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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