Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
