legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
