Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
well you can't waste a boner
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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