Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
