I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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