Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
