I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
