The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
