i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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