we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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